All I Really Need to Know I Learned in a Newsroom

Yesterday was my last day of work at the local TV station. While I'm a far cry from the "news junkies" that I worked with (what a breed those guys are), I did develop an appreciation for being in a newsroom.  It's amazing how many noteworthy, even historic, events unfolded right before my eyes in the course of 18 months -- I was stunned by the footage of the Virginia Tech massacre and the Minnesota bridge collapse, puzzled when a local college kid went missing on his way home from a bar (he still hasn't been found), and moved to tears when soldiers made surprise visits to their kids' classrooms.  

 For the most part, though, the stories we covered (and in my case, promoted) were downright mundane - fires, robberies, sexual assaults, embezzlements, the occasional homicide. Still, I realize now that almost every news story I wrote could somehow be turned into a life lesson.   Sure it's all stuff I knew before I started working at the station, and when you think about it, it's stuff that just follows the laws of common sense.  But somehow it all became much clearer when broadcast from our studios in Albany.  Such as...

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  If you're a teacher, don't sleep with one of your students.
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  If you're a coach, don't hit on one of the girls on your team.
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  If you're a bus driver, don't molest one of the boys that rides your route.
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  If you're going to rob a store at gunpoint, make sure the gun is pointed in the direction of the person you're robbing, not toward yourself. In addition to getting arrested, you may end up with a gunshot wound to your own head.
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  If you're a cop, try not to beat up the suspect while you're reading him his rights, especially if there are witnesses or a camera is rolling.
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  Also if you're a cop, don't steal drug evidence from the police station's locked evidence room to support your cocaine habit. Generally speaking, having a coke habit while you're a cop is highly discouraged.
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  If you're going to drive, don't drink. Said another way, don't even think about getting behind the wheel of a car if you've been drinking. Or, don't drink and drive.
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  If you're caught in a lie, don't try to cover it up with another lie. It never works.

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  And finally, if you're a public official of any kind, a politician elected to serve tax-paying citizens, or specifically, the Governor of New York, don't get involved with someone other than your spouse.  Especially if that someone is a hooker.