I Heard it in Housewares

One day I'd like to write a book consisting entirely of conversations overheard while shopping at IKEA.  I was in the popular Swedish chain a few weeks ago - along with the rest of the free world - and after marveling at how many people still don't have their furniture, I found myself amused by all the private discussions going on throughout different parts of the store.
There was an enthusiastic (read: overbearing) mother trying to prep her apathetic teenager for some sort of trip:  

Mom:  "You definitely need a duvet!"

Son: "A what?"

Mom:  "A duvet.  It's like a comforter."

Son:  "Why can't I just bring a blanket?"

Mom, horrified:  "I'm not sending you there with some ratty old blanket!"  

I never caught where "there" was, but apparently it's no place for ratty old blankets.

Then there were a couple of twentysomething guys who were clearly buying stuff for their first non-college apartment.

Dude #1, eyeing a living plant:  "I think we should get it."

Dude #2: "We can't take care of a plant.

Dude #1:  "It'll be awesome!"

Dude #2:  "We can't take care of a plant."  

I saw them later on at checkout, plant in tow.  I'm gonna go on record and say no way that thing is still alive.

But my favorite conversations are between the husband and wife couples.  They usually follow the same pattern where the wife thinks that window treatments are a matter of life and death and the husband just wishes he was anywhere but where he is.

Wife:  "Honey, I really need your input here.  Which blinds do you think?  The one-inch or the two-inch slats?"

Husband, trying to muster up interest:  "Whichever ones you like best, dear" but really thinking "Whichever ones have the longest cord so I can wrap it around my neck and put myself out of my own misery."

Therapists and marriage counselors would do well to hang out in IKEA.  They could add to their clientele in just one afternoon.